✍️ Part 15: Model Responses with Examiner-Style Commentary
For IGCSE, AS Level, and IB English – Descriptive, Narrative & Persuasive Writing
What does a high-level response actually look like? In this final part, you’ll see full sample answers with targeted, examiner-style commentary—revealing what earns top marks and why.
✨ MODEL RESPONSE 1 – DESCRIPTIVE WRITING
Prompt: Describe a place where time seems to stand still.
Student Response (Band 5 Standard):
The monastery sat on the edge of the cliff like a forgotten thought. Mist clung to the stones, curling around carved statues and silent prayer flags that fluttered without wind. Inside, everything was muted—the scrape of sandals, the low hum of chants, the deep smell of incense sinking into stone walls. Time here was not measured in clocks, but in the slow fall of light across the floor. A single monk passed by, his movements unhurried, his gaze cast inward. Outside, the world spun on. But here, in this place of hush and shadow, time had taken a breath and held it still.
🖋️ Examiner Commentary:
✅ Imagery & Sensory Detail: Rich multisensory imagery (smell of incense, visual metaphor of light falling) elevates the writing.
✅ Originality & Tone: Unusual simile (“like a forgotten thought”) adds originality.
✅ Focus & Control: Maintains a tight descriptive focus without becoming a narrative.
✅ Language: Varied sentence structures, figurative language, and precision with word choices.
⭐ Mark Range: Top Band (IGCSE 27–30 / AS 20–22 / IB Level 7)
✨ MODEL RESPONSE 2 – NARRATIVE WRITING
Prompt: Write a story about a decision that changed everything.
Student Response (Band 5 Standard):
He hesitated, fingers hovering over the SEND button. The email held two sentences, but they’d taken him two months to write. Outside, rain laced the windows; inside, the air felt thick with silence. What if she never replied? What if she did? His chest tightened. Then—tap. It was done. Time surged forward again. He walked away from the desk, unsure whether he’d just shattered his past or saved his future.
🖋️ Examiner Commentary:
✅ Structure & Pacing: Excellent tension build-up with a powerful turning point.
✅ Emotional Resonance: Captures the complexity of indecision and consequence.
✅ Language Precision: “Time surged forward again” is a metaphor that adds weight.
✅ Narrative Voice: Strong internal focus; the reader feels what the character feels.
⭐ Mark Range: IGCSE 25–30 / AS 20–22 / IB Level 7
✨ MODEL RESPONSE 3 – PERSUASIVE WRITING
Prompt: Write a speech encouraging students to take a break from social media.
Student Response (Band 5 Standard):
Fellow students,
We scroll. We swipe. We double-tap. But do we live?
Every hour you spend staring at a screen is an hour you lose—of real laughter, real connection, real freedom. I’m not saying quit completely. I’m saying reclaim control. Take a walk without your phone. Eat dinner without a notification. Feel bored again—it’s where creativity hides. You deserve a life that isn’t filtered, cropped, and hashtagged.
So, put it down. Just for a while. Breathe. Think. Be. You might be surprised what you find there.
🖋️ Examiner Commentary:
✅ Voice & Audience Awareness: Strikes the right balance of friendly, assertive, and motivating.
✅ Structure: Clear opening, persuasive development, and a memorable ending.
✅ Techniques: Uses rhetorical questions, emotional appeal, imperatives, and repetition effectively.
✅ Purpose Fulfilment: Entirely focused on the persuasive goal—encouraging action.
⭐ Mark Range: IGCSE 27–30 / AS 19–21 / IB Level 6–7
🔍 Key Takeaways Across All Tasks:
| Feature | Descriptive | Narrative | Persuasive |
| Sensory Imagery | Essential | Optional (mood-setting) | Strategic (if used) |
| Structure | Static scene | Clear arc (beginning-middle-end) | Logical argument |
| Figurative Language | High priority | Effective for emotion | Used for impact |
| Voice & Tone | Reflective, evocative | Character-driven | Direct, engaging |
| Clarity + Control | Must be focused | Must avoid over-plotting | Must drive one main idea |
🧠 Final Challenge
Choose a prompt from any genre above.
Write a 300-word piece.
Then, write your own commentary under it using this structure:
- What works well?
- What could be improved?
- Which techniques are used?
- How would this score and why?
This self-marking activity builds your examiner eye—and that’s how you become your best teacher.